Energy At Work
continued
The present-day corporate world creates untold barriers to block you
from reaching the flow type of energy at work. Most of the
decision makers in corporate America do not know about flow and the
enormous benefits they could reap by supporting employees' desires to
work in this type of energy. According to a friend of mine who
once worked at Apple Computer, there are only about ten creative
engineers at Apple. Only they and maybe their managers know who
they are.
These ten keep all 14,800 employees paid salaries by their creative
efforts. Think what Apple could accomplish if it had 50 engineers
creating in flow.
So you'd like to spend some of your workday in flow? How?
From observation I'd say the barriers to flow at work are fear and misuse of emotions.
Fear is not available for feeling if you are in intellectual or
flow. So move to flow with your state of excellence and stay as
long as you'd like. This should take care of fear.
Correcting the misuse of emotional energy needs a few other strategies.
Handling Emotions in Business
Dampening down, resisting, ignoring your emotions will
stop you from gathering the extra energy you need for extraordinary
mental states. Blocked emotions block energy. Emotions are the life
force and can be handled in a way that allows you to express them-and
keep your job.
You must be appropriate in business and displaying unrestrained
emotions is frowned upon in most U. S. corporations today. However,
unrestrained emotions will pay off handsomely in personal energy. So
how do you let your emotions out and yet stay within the corporate and
business set of expectations?
In this chapter are some ideas, gathered in my forty years in the business paradigm. First, a story:
Recently I taught a seminar at a manufacturing site to mid-level
managers at IBM. A one-third cutback in personnel at this site had not
been announced, but was expected soon. Rumors were flying like buzzards
over the situation. All the participants had been warned about losing
their jobs. This fear had brought them to the three day seminar. Some
came to improve their counseling skills, some to fulfill their training
requirement days for the year. As I taught them the new strategies for
interpersonal skills, they repeatedly responded, "But we've been taught
to be neutral when an employee is upset. We've been taught to be
neutral, period."
I had been teaching them to match an angry or frustrated
voice tone to establish rapport before beginning to seek solutions to
an employee's problem. You may use neutral words, but the nonverbals
which match the other person's are more effective in gaining rapport.
We did role-plays and asked the participants how they felt. They agreed
that rapport occurred once the matching occurred. They were very
surprised and kept muttering, "We've been taught neutral." If you match
a loud, strident voice, you are not neutral. By the end of three days
they were ready to test this new strategy outside the classroom, but
giving up being "neutral" was hard. Corporate policy about handling
emotions is not always the best solution. Rapport is more
important than being "neutral."
The Myth of Objectivity in Decision Making
Most business people believe that being professional means being
neutral. If you are in business you, too, probably believe this. This
whole concept is based on the myth of the cool, logical, analytical
decision-maker who makes the best decision based on the facts, not
emotions. Did I write "myth?" Yes, I did. If you read accounts of how
executives make decisions, you will become aware of how much
subjectivity there is in weighing the facts. Even Harold Geneen, the
head of ITT in its momentarily successful period, who began in
accounting and focused on the bottom line, admits there is a subjective
piece in business decisions. For a human being to make a business
decision uncolored by emotions, he would have to shut down a large part
of his brain, and this is not possible.
How to be Professional and Emotional
The first step is to recognize the emotion which is pushing to be experienced.
The second step is to find an appropriate way to express the emotion
inside the business world. Can you talk it out with your secretary or a
colleague? Can you take a walk and kick garbage cans? And if there is
not a way to be appropriate in business, where and when can you express
this energy? Hitting a punching bag, a big pillow, jogging,
yelling in your office if it's sound-proof are all possibilities.
Please don't kick your dog. Some people do this. I've seen it but I
don't think it actually works. Don't kick your spouse either. They
retaliate.
The third step is to decide whether you can express it now or wait
until later. If your boss is blowing his stack, it may be a good time
to wait. Only wait the length of time absolutely necessary. "The sooner
the better" is the guideline with emotions. Even if you calm down
before you deal with the emotion, still deal with it. It's still in
there-waiting for action.
The Payoff, or What Happens to an Emotion Once Expressed?
The great thing about an expressed emotion is-
it CHANGES
into something else. Our fear is that we will be angry, sad, hurt,
frustrated, whatever, and get stuck there. In most cases this is an
unfounded fear. If you do get stuck, there are ways out. See Chapter 15.
Emotions are energy, and once they are expressed, they move on. Energy becomes another emotion.
One caution
If you have repressed emotions for many years or denied strong emotions
for a short time, you may find that the first go-around of acting them
out will take more time than usual. A small amount of frustration can
turn into a large amount, once moved to the conscious level.
What's happening is that old, repressed emotions are tumbling out along
with present emotions. But once the old emotions are out, expressed,
you will probably find relief in a short time. Shorter than you think.
Emotions are the life force in action. And if you notice, life is
constantly changing. So will your emotions. Even emotional pain will
diminish once you acknowledge it, live it, breathe it, and let it go.
Unexpressed Emotions
This is especially important in business, because unexpressed emotions
diminish your energy, and you need all the energy possible to be
successful. Being neutral when you do not feel neutral is hard on your
body, hard on your energy, and hard on your relationships.
This concept is probably a paradigm shift for you, and hard to take.
Try it out in small ways first, then notice what happens. Do not
believe what you read in books until you test it for yourself. Even
hard-cover books.
In the IBM seminar mentioned earlier we role-played an employee coming
to his manager with demanding questions about the criteria being used
to determine which third of the people would be laid off. The manager
immediately became "neutral," also defensive and climbed on his high
horse. "I'm your next level, and don't you forget it." The employee
became more agitated as the manager became more "neutral." I interceded
and asked the manager to play back his voice tone in his memory. He
did, then he looked sheepish and asked, "I sure don't have rapport do
I?"
The person role-playing the employee replied "No "
The manager then answered the employee in these words, "I'm worried
about my job, too. I feel just as concerned as you. I don't know the
criteria for the layoffs, but as soon as I do, I'll tell all of you."
By expressing his real feelings, the manager reduced the tension and
both people felt better. The situation had not changed but their
response to the situation had changed, for the better. They talked a
little more, but with rapport. The job concerns did not disappear, but
the emotions changed from fear and frustration to wait and see. "Wait
and see" on the manufacturing floor is preferable to anger, as far as
continuing the work which needs to be done. One of the most
difficult jobs a manager has is to keep people working while waiting
for layoffs.
Emotions of a Subordinate in Business
We have all felt the frustration of not being able to respond as we
wish to a directive from above us on the corporate or institutional
ladder. Let's examine some strategies for this situation.
In Stair-Step "Military" Organizations
Traditionally, your job as a subordinate is to make your boss look good
to his boss. This may mean waiting to express your own emotions until
later. Still it is important for your health and well-being that you do
express them. The ideal situation is to have a boss who can handle your
true response to his suggestions, but most business situations are not
ideal.
You may find, as mentioned before, as you begin to stay with your
emotions until they change, that old emotional memories tumble out of
the refrigerator as well. Good! Congratulations! This is an ideal
way to clean out that musty refrigerator. Emotions once expressed go
away, disappear, evaporate. They may leave a slight residue, but even
this eventually will be erased if you continue to recognize the
emotion, feel it, look at it, listen to it, and notice it changing.
In Double-Talk Organizations
These are the institutions and corporations mentioned above which are
trying out Network Management, sometimes labeled participative
management, and walking the talk has not yet happened. You listened to
the new talk and you thought they meant it-that your opinions were
valued, then you found this was not the case.
What do you do then? You watch and listen so you will know when a
single message is being sent; not two contradictory messages. Until the
time you get a single message from your boss, and people usually change
slowly, you go back to the behavior suggested for military-type
hierarchies. C. Y. A. is the acronym for this strategy.
You make your boss look good and wait to express your emotions until
lunch off-site, or after work that same day. One thing about double
messages from above is that the stress is about double as well. Things
are different from what they seem and you are constantly torn between
saying what you really mean, responding with integrity, and keeping
your job. Not an enviable position for anyone. My best opinion is, when
job survival is at stake, play it safe, but keep an open mind about
another job. Integrity serves one well in the eight or more hours a day
at work. Dissembling takes a toll on your psyche, your energy,
your health.
Straight Talk-Quality Teams
If you are the lucky businessperson in a situation where you can
express your emotions candidly, wonderful. You will be able to
contribute to the success of the organization with your entire brain,
not just the parts that analyze and cover up. This situation is much
sought after in the Quality teams that are successful. Bottom line
results are only one of the rewards of straight talk and straight
emotions. Even conflicts take on positive energy in this atmosphere of
"We're in this together, each of us is a contributor, and we'll reach
consensus through communication and respect for each other's
viewpoints." Or we won't. We'll shake hands and move on, agreeing to
disagree. (See Continental Airlines, Chapter 14.)
Handling Emotions When You Are the Boss
When you are directing your subordinates, you have power over their
emotions. One way you can be even more effective in your job is
to express your emotions without blaming the other(s). You are a role
model for those under you, and by your honesty of expression you can
encourage honest responses on their part.
If you have always striven to be neutral, as a synonym for
professional, this change will be difficult at first. However, the
rewards for you and your reports will be considerable.
Any time you try something new, you must be aware of the risk. That
means you are learning. Start small and you may be surprised at how
much energy you have at 5 p.m. once you are handling your emotions by
expressing them.
Expressing Emotions as Team Members
Encouraging your team to speak up, speak out, and say what they
think-not in "neutral" but in "fast forward," will improve the quality
of your team decisions. You will find that people disagree. Of course,
this is inevitable when deletion, distortion, generalization, and
projection are determining our maps of reality. The team purpose is to
expand each map until agreement is enthusiastic. This usually can be
accomplished with a good facilitator and communication skills. If your
group doesn't have these, get them. They are available. The energy
resulting from the alignment of a team is well worth the educational
effort.
Being able to express your emotions at the moment and to channel that
energy made available by the expression will produce creative solutions
on a level unheard of before this was allowed.
In a Family Business
There are more family owned businesses in the United States than you
would think. Prudential Life Insurance, L. L. Bean, Benjamin Moor,
Frank Purdue Chickens, Robert Mondavi, Mars Candy Bar, Carlsen Travel,
Texwipe and Valducci's Gourmet Stores, for example. The emotional
destruction of family solidarity, whether the emotions are expressed or
repressed, is of mammoth proportions. Whatever business conflicts arise
are compounded by sibling rivalry, the Oedipus complex, the father-son
rivalry, and who knows what other cross-currents? Remember, most
violence in the U. S. is among families. Our kinfolk evoke the
strongest emotions. If you overlay this with the professional neutral
business myth, you have all the elements for a Greek tragedy. Grace
Valducci wanted to open her own store, using her own name. The
family said "No." She sued and lost. Think of the emotional conflicts
in all this drama.
On the other hand, pretending emotions are not part of business
decisions simply obscures the problems. If family members involved in
the business will allow each other to be as open and honest as possible
in expressing their emotions, then the business may survive-and the
family, too.
If those emotions are not expressed, a waste of creativity, energy, and potential agreements occur.
IBM's Policy for Negative Emotions
IBM has an "open door" policy that is a good model for any business
which wants to control and respond to destructive emotions. Each
employee at IBM knows s/he can complain of mistreatment to the office
of the CEO and there will be an investigation of the complaint. The
problem people are interviewed within a short time, and a reply to the
employee will ensue. Managers have found themselves transferred,
reprimanded, or dismissed when the charges have held up under the
investigation.
One of my trainers at IBM said, "If your boss complains about your
performance, you have three months to correct your behaviors. If
your colleagues complain, you have two months. If your direct
reports complain and the investigation proves they are right, you have
one hour to clean out your desk." I don't know if I remember his
time schedule exactly but his message was that a manager was much more
vulnerable to those below than to those above. This method of
handling complaints may be why IBM is one of the world's most
successful businesses and continues to make such strong comebacks to
downturns.
Most businesses do not have this type of justice and many business
people have to put up with destructive interactions with their bosses.
In my view certain responses to a destructive manager are appropriate.
Finding another job is high on the priority list, but if this is
difficult, lying low and keeping your internal state of peace by
whatever means (picturing the angry boss as a frantic rooster helps) is
next on the list. You Are Not The Target by Laura Huxley is a good
short essay to read to maintain your equilibrium. Laura, Aldus Huxley's
wife, is a wise woman, for she points out that in an ongoing
relationship there are usually some positive encounters. By
focusing on and magnifying the positive aspects of a relationship, you
can survive with your own integrity intact.
When someone is angry with you, you are the same person as when they
are pleased with you. The anger is their projection, their internal
state, and has little to do with you. You are not the target of the
anger or spite or resentment or whatever. The emotion is actually anger
at themselves. You are not the target. The same holds true of fear,
resentment, etc. The characteristics of others which really bother us
are characteristics we do not like about ourselves. When we like
ourselves, we can be generous with others' faults.
This is hard to remember when your boss is exploding in your face, but
if you can recall this phrase, "I am not the target," you may be able
to keep your cool, soothe your stomach, and survive the battle.
Boss or Client Angry at You
Here are some of the strategies you can use if your boss or client is angry and blaming you:
1. Take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I am not the target. The
boss is angry about some facet of his own personality that he sees
reflected in me."
2. Imagine a bird, an animal, a fish superimposed on the figure before
you. Try to find one that fits best the
physiology and mannerisms of the real person. Do not smile or laugh,
even though you find a good match. Keep your expression serious, even
though you have an inside giggle.
3. Match the other's voice tone and volume and say something to the
effect of "You're right. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same
way." By the end of the statement you could alter your volume and
tone to a reasonable level and manner. The other may follow your lead,
maybe not.
4. Remember a time when you did something extraordinarily well and
recall that memory in great detail now. Keep breathing deeply.
5. Ask the other: "What can I do now to rectify this`?"
The______________ (mistake, action,
decision) was made in good faith, but I will change it/correct it if I
can. Please direct me to what you want." And perhaps, "What will you
see if I do a good job?" or "How will you know the situation has been
corrected?"
6. Recall your competency again, using a positive experience from
another time. Be specific on one actual time of competency. Recall in
depth the details of that experience. You can miss a few heartbeats of
your boss's tirade.
Fear
How do you deal with a boss or a colleague who is afraid of being wrong
and refuses to act? Or, even worse, a boss or colleague whose
self-esteem is so low and fear of incompetence is so strong that s/he
has to make you look bad so s/he will look good?
Fear of being wrong and fear of not being good enough create some
interesting and destructive dynamics in the workplace. If these
fears are in a low-level new hire, they are not especially dangerous,
except to the person who has them, but when they occur in upper
levels-specifically, above you-they become real problems.
Strategy 1 is to recognize the dynamic in the behaviors of the other.
If decisions are repeatedly avoided, especially if the delay is
detrimental to the person, then fear is probably present.
Strategy 2 is to offer assistance. If you want to support the person,
boss or colleague, and you have the time, you might offer to assist in
outcome setting so that corporate (or institution), professional, and
personal outcomes are part of the decision process. Once these three
sets of outcomes are explicit (see Outcome Setting, Chapter 9) then
priorities are usually obvious, and the next step in the decision
process becomes clear.
The fearful person will not accept your help unless you have
rapport. Rapport, is based on competence for the specific
task. You can feel the presence or absence of rapport. Be sure to
establish rapport before the offer of outcome setting.
If the offer is made in terms of a superior being counseling an
inferior being (this is conveyed nonverbally, so watch your voice tone,
facial expressions, and position in space), the offer will be rejected,
and you will be suspect as an ambitious enemy. Be sure your eyes are at
the same level. If, on the other hand, you know your job and your
day will go better once this decision is made, you will be
communicating a win-win, and your offer will increase trust. Two
people in an organization that support one another have a great
advantage over loners.
Strategy 3. Always protect yourself. In terms of the second behavior,
when someone wants to make you look incompetent to improve their own
competency image, you need another strategy. People with this
destructive behavior- usually expose themselves, but you need to
protect yourself in the meantime.
Strategy 4. Find a high-level mentor, one even higher than your
boss, if possible. One strategy that works is to find a mentor at
a higher level and lay out to him/her what's happening in this dynamic.
The interactions with the fearful person, in which you were made to
look incompetent, rash, whatever, must be documented in memos-dated, in
a deep file (maybe locked)-separate memos containing your best guess
about what is happening. Keep the information in the dated memos
sensory based, what you saw, felt, and heard. Be sure you record
all important interactions, decisions and consequences.
Strategy 5: Build your boss's self esteem. An even better strategy is
to take some time to examine the series of behaviors of the other and
draw your own conclusions about the fear of incompetence. If you decide
this fear is the root cause, you can begin to soothe the fear by
letting him/her verbally know in what areas s/he is competent. Don't
lie. Lies do not work. People know at some level when you depart from
your true opinion. They neither like nor trust a liar. But there must
be some area in which this person is competent. Let them know you have
noticed this, take a moment to appreciate their competence.
This is often magical in its results. If it does not work, don't
despair. Stay awake to other opportunities to make your boss look good
and gradually his/her fear failure may subside.
If not, there are other strategies available. Try to adapt some of the
other behaviors we are offering as antidotes to other problems. They
may work on fear of failure as well.
Try asking the next level an open question, such as "What can I do to
help you?" If you ask sincerely, you may be surprised at the answer.
You will at least have tried one more strategy. Eventually one or
another will work. Maybe.
One of the ways to nurture your personal energy so you can get to flow
often is by setting up positive interactions with your fellow workers,
clients, "superiors," and all those people who cross your path.
By being skillful at establishing rapport, you can depart from each
personal interaction with more energy than you had when you
began. Energy positively exchanged is energy increased.
Here's a re-cap of five strategies. With these as a starter package, you can discover others on your own.
1. Recognize fear as the operating cause of a destructive pattern
2. Offer to help the other
3. Protect your job and your reputation
4. Locate and gain acceptance from a mentor
5. Build you boss's self esteem
With these five options to try out when appropriate, you will find your
work-days crowded with new perceptions and insights. Use this new
data to reduce the distance between work and play. The next
chapter has new ideas about this subject.